A Team Rocket Road Trip
by xXHeart of GoldXx
Summary: What happens when Giovanni brings Jessie, James, Meowth, Cassidy, Butch, and Wendy on a road trip?  Crazy stuff, that's what! Chapter 4 is up 12/28/10.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

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Jessie, James, and Meowth stood outside of Giovanni's office. They each held their own suitcase and stood there. The three were eager to go with Giovanni. They didn't know where they were going though. They just knew they were going somewhere that wasn't close to Rocket Headquarters. "Ready to go?" Giovanni asked the three as he locked up his office.

"Yes sir!" The three said and saluted him. Giovanni sweatdropped and began to walk down the hall with the trio following him. They came to a stop at a minivan. "Sir?"

"Yes, Jessie?"

"Why are we taking a minivan and not one of your jets?"

"Because I decided that I want to go green."

"So driving in a giant car isn't polluting the earth?" Jessie asked.

"Just be quiet." Giovanni said. Just then, Butch and Cassidy showed up.

"Sir, we're ready to go!" Butch chimed.

"All packed and everything- hey what are these three doing here?" Cassidy asked.

"Oh, they're coming on the road trip with us." Giovanni said and began neatly stacking everyone's suitcase in the car.

"But why do they have to come?" Cassidy whined. "You only take your best team on these road trips."

"Well I decided to take the worst team too. Besides, I have extra room in my car and I was in love with her mother." Giovanni said and pointed to Jessie. "And I think she's my daughter but I really don't know, but they're coming anyway." Cassidy and Butch moaned in annoyance.

"Okay, get in the car." Giovanni said and got in the driver's seat. He sighed as he saw Jessie, Cassidy, Butch, James, and Meowth fighting for the passenger's seat. Giovanni thought long and hard; who could he stand to sit next to him for the entire trip? James was annoying and whiney. Jessie was known to get carsick. Cassidy would try to get a raise, and Meowth had a weird obsession with him. Butch, well, he smoked. Fortunately, Wendy was coming on this trip. She was late of course, but she put her suitcase in the trunk of the car. She pushed past everyone and sat in the passenger's side. The rest of them moaned and Giovanni began to yell at them. "Jessie and Cassidy, sit behind me and Wendy. James, Butch, and Meowth, you guys get the very back! Now get in!"

"Yes sir!" The five saluted and got in the car. They all put their seatbelts on.

"Are we all buckled up back there?" Wendy asked.

"No! Butch didn't put his seatbelt on!" James told and stuck his tongue out at Butch.

"Butch, please put your seatbelt on." Wendy said.

"I don't have to."

"If you want to come along you will!" Giovanni roared. Butch mumbled to himself and put on his seatbelt. Finally, he drove out of the headquarters parking lot and got onto the main road. It was silent. He was glad. So was Wendy.

"Are we there yet?" James asked from the back.

"If we were there we would be parked you idiot!" Cassidy yelled at him.

"Hey! I'm only allowed to yell at James!" Jessie yelled at Cassidy.

"Says who?"

"Says me!" Jessie said and slapped Cassidy across the face.

"Boss, Jessie just hit me!" She whined.

"Jessie, no hitting."

"But she was yelling at James!" Jessie replied.

"Cassidy, no yelling at James."

"But James was annoying me."

"James, don't be annoying."

"Are we there yet?" James whined.

"I'll tell you when we get there!" Giovanni said. "Now everyone, shut up!" For the next five minutes, it was silent. But then of course, Jessie had to turn around and talk to Butch.

"Listen, I know that you value lung disease but I don't so throw away your cigarette. Now!"

"Boss…!" Butch started.

"She's right! Smoke when we get there!" Giovanni said and Butch was forced to throw his cigarette out the window. Wendy peered in the back and saw that James and Meowth had fallen asleep so she told Giovanni. At least there wouldn't be any more whining.

"Boss, can you pull over?" Jessie asked.

"No, Jessie. No pit stops." Giovanni sighed.

"But I don't feel so good." She said.

"Boss, she's gonna barf!" Cassidy moved as far away from Jessie as she could. Luckily, Wendy came prepared and handed Jessie a paper bag which Jessie took and threw up in it. The car started to smell. Cassidy began to feel a bit queasy from the smell and threw up on the car floor. Of course, Jessie felt nauseous from the smell and puked. The paper bag was leaking and eventually broke and it landed all over the floor. At the sight of Jessie's puke, Cassidy threw up. And Jessie couldn't handle seeing her throw up and all of the trees and cars go by, so she threw up again.

"Boss, it smells!" James complained. _Great._ Thought Giovanni.

"It's like a puke fest in here!" Meowth stated.

"Stop puking!" Butch yelled at the two girls in front of him. Giovanni was beyond angry. Of course these two had to puke in his brand new minivan. He got off the nearest exit and pulled over at the gas station. He went in and bought paper towels and garbage bags.

"Here." He said and handed the supplies to the girls. "Clean up your mess." Jessie and Cassidy took the paper towels and garbage bags to clean up their mass amounts of puke. But of course, the sight and the smell made the two girls throw up again. Giovanni was beyond frustrated and angry. "GIVE IT TO ME! I"LL JUST CLEAN IT!" He yelled and cleaned out the puke from his car.

"I feel better." Jessie said once he finished cleaning.

"Yeah me too." Cassidy said.

"Of course you are." Giovanni mumbled. "Get in the car." So, everyone got back in the car. Giovanni saw that he had only been driving for an hour. Well, this would be fun. He got back onto the highway. So far, everyone was silent. Luckily the two girls fell asleep. He was glad that there would be no more puking.

"Boss?"

"Yes James?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

"We were just at a gas station! You should have went then."

"Boss?"

"Yes Butch?"

"I have to go to the bathroom too."

"We were just at a gas station. You should have gone then."

"But I have to go now." James whined.

"Yeah me too. I drank seven coffees this morning." Butch said.

"I drank six." James said.

"Well, no one said to drink mass amounts of coffee before the road trip!" Giovanni said.

"Boss? Can you pull over?" James whined.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna burst." Butch cried.

"No! Now, shut up!" Giovanni said. James and Butch looked at each other and they were both sweating from the pain of holding their pee. So, Butch found two empty soda cans that they had drank before. So, both of them took down their pants a bit and started peeing in the empty cans of soda. James and Butch were smiling and had their eyes closed because the pressure was gone. However, both of them felt something warm on their hands. Their eyes went wide once they saw what was happening.

"You guys are insane!" Meowth yelled.

"What's going on back there?" Wendy asked.

"James an' Botch-er Butch are peein' in the empty soda cans and they both ova flowed!" Meowth said desperately. He jumped over to sit next to the sleeping girls. The car was reeking of urine.

"Sorry boss." The two boys said and put their pants back up. Giovanni went over a bump on the high way and the two dropped the soda cans over flowed with urine on the floor. Butch and James looked at each other and began to panic. Giovanni figured yelling wouldn't work out so he searched for the nearest exit. Jessie then woke up because of the smell. Before she knew it, she began to throw up again. It was just bile though because she had thrown up everything before. At the sound of throwing up, Cassidy began to vomit herself.

Giovanni sighed. This would be a long road trip.

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So what do you think? Should I keep this as a one shot or continue it?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

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So, Giovanni had cleaned up the puke and urine out of his car. He began to think this road trip was a mistake. He sighed as he continued to drive down the highway. At least the car was quiet. No one was speaking. Wendy had fallen asleep so there wasn't a sane person that was awake in the car besides him. He began to wish he took Domino or something, but he was too far to turn around now. These four acted like big babies. At least Meowth was alright, he assumed. "Boss?" Maybe he spoke too soon.

"What?" He gritted his teeth.

"I'm hungry." Meowth complained.

"Okay, we'll stop at a Wendy's or something." He compromised.

"Ew, I hate Wendy's!" Cassidy whined.

"Okay, then we'll go to Burger King."

"But I don't like the seeds on the buns there." James whined.

"You can't even taste them!" Giovanni yelled.

"Yeah but just knowing that they're there…I don't like it." James said.

"Yeah me too." Butch spoke up. "How about Taco Bell?"

"I don't like tacos." Cassidy pouted.

"What's wrong with you? How could you not like tacos?" Jessie asked.

"Mexican food doesn't go well with my tummy." Cassidy said.

"Then how about…McDonalds? No tacos, no seeds, and it's not Wendy's." Giovanni said.

"Okay!" The five idiots smiled.

"Alright, let's go through the drive through then."

"I can't eat in the car." Jessie said. Giovanni was about to say too bad, but he remembered the earlier events of the day.

"Okay, we'll eat inside." Giovanni said and pulled into a McDonald's. They stood in line and finally it was their turn. Giovanni simply ordered a cheeseburger and a coke while Wendy just ordered some fries and a sprite. "What does everyone else want?"

"I want…a Big Mac!" Meowth said, "With a large soda." Simple enough.

"I want seven big macs, eight large fries, and a large coke." James ordered. Giovanni sweatdropped. Apparently eating cheap wouldn't happen. "Can you super size it?"

"Sorry, we don't do that anymore." The cashier said.

"Drats." James said.

"I'll just have the same as him!" Butch piped up. "Hey, we have more in common than I thought!" Now, it was Jessie and Cassidy's turn to order.

"Hmm…A cheeseburger happy meal please!" Jessie said.

"Jessie, aren't we a little old for happy meals?" Giovanni said.

"I want a happy meal!" She stomped her foot.

"Okay, okay." Giovanni sighed.

"I want a happy meal too. Same as her." Cassidy told the cashier.

"Okay, would you two like fries or apple dippers?" Asked the cashier.

"Fries. Who would even get apple dippers? That's not the Mickey D's experience! You have to have a heart attack in a package." Cassidy said.

"I want fries too." Jessie said.

"Okay. Your total comes to forty nine dollars and fifty two cents." Giovanni mumbled a bad word under his breath and paid. He handed everyone their cups to go fill at the soda fountain. The five went to fill up their drinks. Giovanni and Wendy waited to fill theirs. Chaos was bound to happen.

When James got to the soda fountain, he put the coke in first. "Oh man, I forgot ice!" He said. Since his cup was filled to the top, when he put the ice in, the soda splashed in various directions. Butch managed to do the same as James. Meowth was somewhat neat about it except he put sprite in it then decided against it so he dumped it out continuously in the garbage. He finally decided on Hi C. It looked as if Jessie and Cassidy put a little bit of everything in their small children sized cups. He watched them laugh as they pressed in all of the small bubbles on the top of the lid for their sodas.

Giovanni and Wendy got their drinks after the other five were far away from the station. Giovanni then brought over their order to a large table so they could all sit together. James and Butch finished before everyone else. Giovanni couldn't believe that they were able to stay that thin. Whatever. He was going to enjoy his meal. James then announced for the whole restaurant to hear, "I have to poop!" And then dashed for the bathroom, followed by Butch who probably had to take a dump, too.

Meanwhile, Jessie and Cassidy opened their toys and began to play with them. They each had the same My Little Pony character. It was white and had pink hair and came with a small brush. Giovanni had to stop himself from pounding his head against the table. He had to continuously remind himself he was in public. Wendy just sat there and he could see the embarrassment in her face. He saw that Jessie and Cassidy both ate exactly half of their burgers and finished all their fries. He then saw the two throwing the ponies across the restaurant. "Look! Mine flies!" Jessie announced.

"Mine too!" Cassidy giggled. Since she had joined Team Rocket, he thought she was sane. He began to rethink about all of his employees.

James and Butch ran back to the table shouting "Beware the stench!" Then all of a sudden, the whole restaurant began to reek of poop.

"Let's go." Giovanni said as he and Wendy plugged their noses.

"But wait! We have to pee." Cassidy said.

"Okay, we'll be out in the car." Giovanni said and ran out of there. A few minutes later, Jessie and Cassidy ran back to the car. They got in their seats and Giovanni drove off.

"Wait!" Jessie said. "Me and Cassidy forgot our ponies in the bathroom!"

"You can live without them." Wendy said.

"But Jemima was a great pony. She was the weirdest flying pony in her herd, but that didn't stop her from eating lemons off of the lemon tree." Cassidy said as her eyes became glazed over with tears.

"She lived a noble life. Just like Louis, the flying, orange eating pony with pink hair." Jessie said put a comforting hand on Cassidy's shoulder. Cassidy looked up and smiled at her.

"Yeah, you're right. It's time to move on." Cassidy said.

"Boss?"

"Yes, James?"

"I'm hungry!"

"You just ate a massive lunch. I think you can wait."

"But I pooped it all out! Now my stomach hurts from hunger."

"Yeah, me too." Butch piped up. Luckily, Wendy was smart enough to bring a few snacks on the trip. She handed them the cooler and the two were as happy as children getting a new bike.

Jessie then noticed the mall and squealed. "Boss? Can we go to the mall? Please? Please?" She got extremely hyper in the matter if seconds.

"No we can't."

"But Santa's gonna be there!" Cassidy pointed out. It was two weeks before Christmas.

"Yeah, can we please go see Santa?" James asked.

"Please?" All five said at once.

"NO!" Giovanni yelled. Then, they all started to cry.

"But I want Santa to know I've been a good girl this year!" Jessie said.

"And I want him to know what I want for Christmas!" Cassidy began to stomp her feet on the floor of the car.

"I want to sit on Santa's lap!" James cried.

"I wanna be his top cat!"

"I want to go have a smoke!" Butch pouted.

"Okay, okay just everyone shut up! I'll bring you all to go see Santa!" Giovanni said and drove towards the mall.

Giovanni really wanted to kill himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

Of course it was a Sunday so the mall was packed. There wasn't a parking spot available as far as Giovanni could see. He debated whether or not he should let Wendy and the rest of them out of the car and go into the mall but he didn't want Wendy to suffer with those five alone. That would really suck. So, Giovanni drove up and down the parking lot trying to find a parking spot. It wasn't easy when James was whining and Cassidy randomly started crying about her pony from McDonald's. Finally, Giovanni parked the car and the seven of them walked into the mall. The girls screamed with joy. "There's Santa!" Cassidy yelled.

"Yeah! There he is!" Confirmed Butch. Giovanni sighed at their stupidity.

"Okay, you five go in line. Wendy and I will wait for you at the end, okay?" Giovanni couldn't believe he was doing this.

"Okay!" They said and rushed in line. Giovanni and Wendy walked around to the exit and saw Cyrus, the leader of Team Galactic there. He hated his guts, but he was surprised he was there too.

"You too?" Cyrus mumbled. Giovanni was confused until he saw a group of Galactic agents in line with large grins on their faces as they approached Santa.

"Unfortunately." Giovanni said without looking at him. Cyrus only nodded to respond. Giovanni watched as his agents approached Santa. First up was Cassidy. The man dressed up like an elf picked her up and put her on Santa's lap.

"Hello and what's your name little girl?" Little girl? Giovanni couldn't believe the insanity of this world.

"Cassidy." She said. She sounded a bit nervous.

"And what would you like for Christmas?" Giovanni heard Santa say from the floor above him. He noticed that there was a large slide where kids were sent down into a pile of fluff. Huh, he remembered a movie with something like that. It was a Christmas movie but he couldn't put a finger on what the title of it was, so he asked Wendy and she responded by telling him A Christmas Story. Maybe he should watch it soon.

Cassidy didn't say a word. She sat there with a blank look on her face. Since she failed to say anything, the Elf lifted her off his lap and sent her down the slide. Cassidy just laid in the pile of fluff until Wendy went over and helped her out of it.

Next, it was Butch. Santa proceeded to ask him his name and what he wanted for Christmas. "Hmmm….I want…Raisin Bran!" Butch said under the stress of being stared down by an Elf. He was sent down the chute and Wendy had to help him out of it because he began to cry out of embarrassment.

Then, it was James' turn. He told Santa his name and then farted on him by accident. Santa got mad so he immediately sent him down the chute. Meowth didn't get a chance because Santa supposedly didn't give Pokemon presents. Meowth started bawling as he was sent down the slide and then picked up by Wendy who was comforting all of his weird agents. But Giovanni was glad that nobody was actually staring at him this time and nothing out of the ordinary was happening other than crying teenagers and Meowth.

Jessie was lifted onto Santa's lap. Before he even asked what her name was, she began to scream. She screamed so loud that everyone stared at her. So there she was, screaming and crying as the elf forced her down the chute. Wendy gave him a look and started leaving the building with the other four. Giovanni sighed and helped Jessie up from the mountains of cotton.

"What happened up there? It's just Santa."

"I forgot…I had a traumatic experience with a mall Santa when I was little…" Jessie sniffed. Giovanni just led her back to the car. He didn't want to know.

So, they all got in the car and Giovanni drove off to his destination. "Boss?"

"Yes Cassidy."

"Can we go to the carnival?"

"There isn't a carnival anywhere near here. Besides, it's the middle of December."

"Oh. Well, can you make a carnival?"

"No."

"Boss?"

"Yes James?"

"Can I have a doughnut?"

"I don't have any, James."

"Darn. I really want a doughnut. Can we go to Dunkin' Donuts?"

"No." James then started to cry, but Giovanni tried to ignore it.

"Boss?"

"What is it, Jessie?"

"I don't feel so good…I think I'm gonna…" Giovanni passed her three paper bags. She puked in them. Giovanni didn't feel like stopping so he threw the bag of puke out the window. Of course, Officer Jenny pulled him over.

"What did you just throw out of the car?" She asked him.

"A bag of puke."

"Now why would you do that?"

"I think I've gone insane." Giovanni answered. He got a ticket and drove off.

"Boss?" He sighed. This trip was one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

Finally, the car became silent. The five had fallen asleep soundly. As Giovanni gazed in his mirror, he could see the five of them sleeping. They actually looked quite innocent and not annoying. He sighed in content. The drive was actually quite relaxing now. He looked to his right and noticed Wendy had also fallen asleep. Peace and quiet. That was all he really wanted. However, he noticed it was getting late and he'd have to stop soon because he didn't want to fall asleep at the wheel. So, Giovanni pulled over at the nearest hotel. He considered a motel, but he knew that would be a mistake because Cassidy and Jessie would probably whine. Regretting as he did so, he woke them up. Wendy was normal, so she just grabbed her bags and began walking towards the hotel leaving him with the abnormal teenagers who acted as if they were only four years old. "Can't we just sleep in the car?" James whined as he wiped off his own drool from his shirt.

"No, James. Let's be normal and go sleep in a bed." Giovanni said. He saw Jessie, James, and Meowth perk up at the mention of a bed. They each bolted upright and had big eyes staring at him with tears in them.

"Really?" Jessie said and turned around to James. "You hear that, James?"

"Uh uh!" James said and picked up Meowth. Those three grabbed their bags, or rather, James carried everything and they rushed over to Wendy who was waiting by the entrance of the hotel. Now, Butch and Cassidy were left and they weren't too thrilled about getting out of the car into the cold December air.

"Come on you two." Giovanni grabbed his own bags. Butch grabbed his and began following Giovanni.

"Butch, just what do you think you're doing? Grab mine too." Cassidy whined.

"No, Cassidy. Get your own." Butch replied as he lit his cigarette.

"But Messy doesn't have to carry her things, so I don't have to. Come on Butch."

"Cassidy, just shut up, carry your own suitcase, and come into the hotel. If you don't, then you can stay out here in the cold. I'm tired of this nonsense." Giovanni yelled at her. Of course, Cassidy began to cry.

"Here, I'll carry your things." Butch replied soothingly and put out his cigarette. "He was just a big meanie, wasn't he?" Giovanni just slapped himself in the face because it was all he could do. But at least the fighting was over.

Giovanni had gotten three rooms. He paired up the teams respectfully and he and Wendy shared a room.

He was finally able to relax and he laid down on his bed and stretched out. Loving the sound of his own breathing, he was content. Until Wendy broke the silence of course. "I can't take it anymore." She said. "We could have been at the conference tonight, but no! You just had to bring those freaks, didn't you?"

"Well, I had to bring agents. It would look stupid if we were the only ones there and the other leaders of criminal organizations had their own agents and I didn't. And besides, I'm glad I left two days earlier than I should have." Giovanni tried to keep calm. He didn't need his blood pressure to rise.

"Well, those five are bumbling idiots!" She snapped. "What's wrong with Atilla and Hun? At least those two are somewhat normal. These five are just…fuck it, Meowth is more normal than the other ones! I'm out."

"What are you talking about?" Giovanni sprang up in surprise.

"I'm leaving you with them. I'm going to get a taxi back Viridian."

"But Wendy…come on, they aren't that bad." Giovanni tried to reason, even though he knew what he just said was a lie and Wendy knew it, too.

"Nope, I'm going."

"If you stay, I'll give you a raise!" He tried. However, his only answer was her slamming the heavy hotel door. Sighing, he fell into a restless sleep.

Giovanni woke up and noticed the sun had been raised for quite some time. He tried to move his limbs, but found that he couldn't. Blinking the sleep away, Giovanni saw Meowth sleeping on his stomach. He didn't think much of it. He was a Pokemon after all. But that didn't explain why he couldn't move. However, to his left and saw a drooling Cassidy on his arm. To his right, was Jessie hugging his arm like a teddiursa bear. As he arched his neck up, he saw James curled up and using his leg as a pillow while Butch was just randomly sprawled out.

"Get off of me!" He screamed. Meowth was the first one up and bolted under the bed. The rest of them just stayed there and stared at them. "You too." Giovanni growled. The four obeyed like Growlithes and went onto the floor. From there, they sat and stared up at him. "What in the world were you four doing sleeping on me?"

"James and I heard you fighting with Wendy and we got Butch and Cassidy. Then, we saw she left with her suitcase. We felt bad." Jessie said. Since when did he think Rocket agents would ever feel bad? That was just insanity.

"Okay, first of all it isn't a big deal that she left. Second, we aren't married, and third, you are acting like a bunch of idiots! Go get ready. I'll meet you at the car."

After Giovanni took a relaxing shower, got dressed, and brushed his hair, he went to the minivan. He saw that the five of them were already waiting there. Sighing in relief, he unlocked the car and stuffed the suitcases back in the trunk. The five piled in wordlessly and sat there, not making a sound. Giovanni pulled out of the parking lot. Luckily, the high way was close by and he was able to get on quickly. Just as he did so, after he passed multiple fast food restaurants and markets, Butch spoke up and said, "Boss, I'm hungry."

"What did you say?" Giovanni said, gripping the steering wheel tightly and was careful not to stomp on the gas pedal.

"I'm hungry." Butch didn't miss a beat.

"Why didn't you eat at the hotel where the buffet was?" Giovanni said through gritted teeth. Butch just shrugged.

"You said to meet you at the car after we were ready."

"Then why didn't you ask me to pull over at one of the many fast food places that we just passed before we got onto the highway?"

"Didn't occur to me." Butch shrugged yet again.

"Is anybody else hungry?" Giovanni asked. He saw from his mirror that James and Meowth sheepishly raised their hands.

"Okay." Giovanni said. "We'll eat when we get there."

"But we're hungry now!" James whined and began to cry.

"Oh, suck it up." Cassidy snapped.

"Don't tell him to suck it up! I'm the only one who could do that!" Jessie yelled. A catfight started between the two girls.

"Tell Jessie to stop hitting Cassidy!" Butch snapped at Meowth.

"Well, tell Cassidy ta stop bitin' Jess! Then, we'll talk." Meowth growled. He and Butch started their own fight, with Meowth clawing at his face and clothes and Butch swinging punches at the scratch cat Pokemon. James only cowered and whimpered in the back seat, pulling himself as far away from the fights as the car would let him.

By now, Giovanni had pulled over the car and stepped out of it, letting the five have their little fight. He doubted that they realized the car wasn't going anywhere. In the car, he could still hear their shouts and see the fight. It was quite entertaining, actually. He never knew that Jessie could take on Cassidy and a strong man like Butch at the same time. He was actually glad they were fighting like this. They were actually looking like Rockets, besides James of course. Giovanni was surprised when Butch landed a hit on Jessie's face and her nose started bleeding. He was even more shocked when James actually beat the crap out of Butch. Literally, like he really did. Giovanni could smell it out here.

The five stopped, looked around, and got out of the car. Of course, Jessie threw up again. Giovanni could have sworn that she puked more times a day than the average bulimic.

"Are you about done now?" He asked them.

"Yes sir." They all said sadly and got into the car.

"Finally," Giovanni started, "You're acting appropriately. Even you, James. I didn't know you were that tough." He grinned at him. "I underestimated you." Just as he said this, James burst into tears. James had switched spots with Cassidy, so Jessie was able to properly comfort him along with the bruised Meowth.

Giovanni started the car up, ignored the smell of poop, and drove off towards the destination.


End file.
